saturday night out

eight pm, she was there
walking closer with vintage skirt
i've been sit waiting for thirty minutes or less
she was on time

simple hi,
blush on my dark cheek

two tickets for both of us
it usual gigs on Saturday night
several indie bands, two of them is my favorite
hoped she could bear with it
we walked in, the gigs had started 10 minutes earlier

...

eleven pm, we went out
the gigs still going on until one am
she had promised to be home at nine
i understand as i regret we don't have more time
i know she's too, i hope

we're not quite talker
just distant music behind
i should've throw some jokes nor funny trivia
so she could laugh
then me
my brain freezing up

we had great time i said out of nowhere
she answer with her smile
holding her left hand, whispering
"do you believe kisses on first date?"

she said no

spiral hatred

here i am, on the loop the endless spiral
an unhealed scar cause tireless scratch
a curse, there nothing anyone could do
like there was anybody noticed

i cant tell how much i want to disappear
i was wrong believing in again

far away whisper

sun hanging still on red sky
old wooden bench and salty air
i run out of my cigarette

just want to sit alone
letting off thoughts and daydream
today is her birthday
and here i am on the other side of the world

"happy birthday dear"
a whisper as i went off to the city

aku galau

terpikirkan, terngiang
aku memang tak bisa membuat orang lain tertawa
tersenyum sinis pun sulit

tapi apa yang salah?
sesuatu hal dariku atau kesemuanya?

5 hari telah usai

sebuah tanggung jawab berakhir
aku tidak punya ide bagaimana hasilnya
satu hal lain yang dikatakan abstrak

ada kebanggaan dan penyesalan
mungkin lebih banyak dibagian sesal

sekarang aku ingin beristirahat dahulu
sebelum tanggung jawab lainnya datang
semoga lekas lupa

langit malam yang ganjil

langit malam tidak hitam seperti dahulu dan seharusnya
tak terkecuali malam ini
tak ada bintang
hanya berlatar warna ganjil

pojok selasar yang tak dilewati siapapun
aku sedang tak ingin bercakap-cakap

aku tertawa siang hari ini
begurau tanpa akal
sore hari kudapat benci

ketika aku biasa, normal
aku bukan orang yang bahagia
seberapa keras aku tertawa sebelumnya
senyuman itu hilang dari wajah
tidak ada jejak
tidak ada memori

tak pernah ingat kenangan
tak ingat aku tersenyum ketika memanggilnya
masa laluku cadangan benci hari ini atau esok
tiap hari terus bertambah

menjauh dari keramaian
melihat mereka yang tertawa bersamaku tadi, kemarin
kudapat aku bukan mereka
seberapa lama bersama
aku tetap diriku yang membenci

apakah ini penyakit hati?