not quite a human

in case you didn't notice

i'm different

not the one you should treated special
but it's about how you cannot treat me as human,
something less

it's because i'm anonymous to affection
and i think i'm supposed to learn it from you

silent space

it's true
i am a chaos in quiet

gloomy cloud on the edge of bright sky

noise on old cassettes play

mixed grounds on hot coffee you hold

there's nothing in that chaos to hold on
an empty space without entropy

not enough yet

me here and she across
we're nothing, but..

we talked about rain

asking my favorite color

sayin good morning each other

calling her silly

being mad

but you there across, in a distance
we're nothing but good friend
she said

thursday it is

aku ingin egois saat ini, tidak beralasan
kalau saja kau mengerti
nanti kau akan mengerti

sementara ini aku akan mencari alasan
mungkin bukan yang kau kira, satu hal sederhana
jangan khawatir, hal ini tidak akan sering

me, she, writings

i wrote,
i may not reply your messages right away
i may not be always there for you
i will not buy you things you don't need
i can not be a funny guy all the time
i will not keep you dry on rain
i may lied to you

but i will call you whenever you are alone
i will spare my shoulder for you to lean
i will tell lame jokes when I've run out the good one
i will try singing a song even my voice is not that good
i will be running in rain with you

she writes,
I'm telling you
most of the time i could be inexplicably impatient
but it because i barely feel safe
and i am afraid of the world around

lies are so intolerable

i don't wanna things you could buy
i just want a trust, a guarantee
so i could learn to trust once again
then i would smile,
without pain to bear no more

i know you are not that funny
but sure i can make us laugh hard
if you don't sing, then i would

yes, i will cry on your shoulder sometimes
but i promise it wont happen too often

just promise me you will keep your words and help me to put trust on you
cause i had enough crying and those stuff

ps:
:)

because i can't

"i'm fine" you said
i hardly believe it

please shout "leave me alone" if that's what you really need
I'll go far by then,
cause i cant reach you to hold you tight

saturday night out

eight pm, she was there
walking closer with vintage skirt
i've been sit waiting for thirty minutes or less
she was on time

simple hi,
blush on my dark cheek

two tickets for both of us
it usual gigs on Saturday night
several indie bands, two of them is my favorite
hoped she could bear with it
we walked in, the gigs had started 10 minutes earlier

...

eleven pm, we went out
the gigs still going on until one am
she had promised to be home at nine
i understand as i regret we don't have more time
i know she's too, i hope

we're not quite talker
just distant music behind
i should've throw some jokes nor funny trivia
so she could laugh
then me
my brain freezing up

we had great time i said out of nowhere
she answer with her smile
holding her left hand, whispering
"do you believe kisses on first date?"

she said no

percakapan telepon

kamu yang terbaring lemas
tahukah kau aku ingin berada disana
memandangi wajahmu saat kau terlelap
menjagamu dari mimpi buruk
seperti layaknya seseorang yg berarti

tapi aku bukan,
hanya sebatas percakapan telepon
tak bisa lebih